Office Christmas Party Rules

Do attend.
It was yesterday evening and I did indeed attend. Last year I didn't make it. Don't ask, long story. There are unconfirmed reports that a female member of staff sent a text to her boyfriend to get his car and look for a black guy possibly dressed in a Santa outfit riding a racing bike along the A322 near Bracknell.

Don’t dress inappropriately.
It was a standard shirt a jumper and slacks for me. One woman slightly north of fifty wore a revealing low cut sleeveless top. Just not a good look especially for a very short extremely over-weight lady whose arms flapped when she sneezed.

Do some schmoozing.
Effectively this means speaking to those people that are on the receiving end of your plastic smiles. You may also slow down if they're ahead of you queuing for train tickets. Its best that way so that you don't have to sit next to them on a train. I'm joking its never that bad. I got to speak to an old bloke who'd climbed the Himalayan mountains and a lady who rode last years Etape for the first time. She dropped her husband on the Tourmalet and did a significant amount of her training on a rowing machine. Someone else talked in great length about their pet lobster but then the conversation was cut short abruptly. All I said was, "do you 'breed'em to eat'em".

Don’t talk shop.
Nobody wants to talk shop so I tried to stay clear of work talk. It kinda happened inevitably though :-(

Don’t make a move on a colleague.
It wouldn't even cross my mind - I got Stephanie and Kylie! :-) The old bloke also had a partner and the rest of the staff bar one are all married. No Mistletoe action I'm afraid

Do watch your language.
I'm not too much of a swearer so there was little chance going blue in front of the boss. I was expecting things to get a bit 'industrial' but without Tequila slammers nothing even vaguely sinister materialised.

Don’t leave too soon.
I'm getting old so two hours is generally my limit on any social event which doesn't have a defined finishing time such as a film, theatre, watching sport etc. I managed to stay from 8 - 12.30pm which isn't bad

Above all, enjoy the party.
Have a good time without embarrassing yourself or anyone else. Now doesn't that sound like fun!