Commuter Racing

The first rule of commuter racing is - be cool! Its not a race. So even if you're plodding along Jamaica Road, Bermondsey heading towards London Bridge and someone cruises up alongside you - ignore them. Well done, that's very sensible. Let them go. There's no need for competitive nonsense in December when you're unfit and certainly not while you're commuting.

What about just monitoring his pace from a distance? mmm...its a narrow path your riding on, take care or you'll get sucked in. Put that competitiveness on ice; seriously he ain't worth it. Hopefully he'll be gone and you won't meet this person again. What if at the next set of lights you snake you're way around large delivery trucks, buses and other stationary vehicles to get to the front and there he is waiting in that green patch of ground for cyclists only?

Again be cool, if you inject some urgency into your effort to stay close to him its over. You've lost - that means you're knowingly competing. Thats bad, very bad. Remember its not a race. Now... you could however cruise past him with an air of unassuming non swaggering indifference, and time it so that he gets caught at the next set of lights and hence you'll never have to see him again. If he's all cleated and lycra'd up (and he is) that makes it even better. One mile to go before London Bridge and you're close to his back wheel. What the heck are you doing? Let him go. Who cares if you're a 2nd cat. In the grand scheme of things what does it matter its nearly Christmas for fucks sake relax a bit!

Oh shit he's sensed your presence (which is really not cool) and is doing a Cancellara on ya. Alright cruise past but don't show any signs of heavy breathing...Oops too late he took the left turn at Evans Cycles. You can recover as you turn right across London bridge heading towards Liverpool Street Station. Once you've got your breath back refocus. Pretend it never happened. After all who's gonna know!

Office Christmas Party Rules

Do attend.
It was yesterday evening and I did indeed attend. Last year I didn't make it. Don't ask, long story. There are unconfirmed reports that a female member of staff sent a text to her boyfriend to get his car and look for a black guy possibly dressed in a Santa outfit riding a racing bike along the A322 near Bracknell.

Don’t dress inappropriately.
It was a standard shirt a jumper and slacks for me. One woman slightly north of fifty wore a revealing low cut sleeveless top. Just not a good look especially for a very short extremely over-weight lady whose arms flapped when she sneezed.

Do some schmoozing.
Effectively this means speaking to those people that are on the receiving end of your plastic smiles. You may also slow down if they're ahead of you queuing for train tickets. Its best that way so that you don't have to sit next to them on a train. I'm joking its never that bad. I got to speak to an old bloke who'd climbed the Himalayan mountains and a lady who rode last years Etape for the first time. She dropped her husband on the Tourmalet and did a significant amount of her training on a rowing machine. Someone else talked in great length about their pet lobster but then the conversation was cut short abruptly. All I said was, "do you 'breed'em to eat'em".

Don’t talk shop.
Nobody wants to talk shop so I tried to stay clear of work talk. It kinda happened inevitably though :-(

Don’t make a move on a colleague.
It wouldn't even cross my mind - I got Stephanie and Kylie! :-) The old bloke also had a partner and the rest of the staff bar one are all married. No Mistletoe action I'm afraid

Do watch your language.
I'm not too much of a swearer so there was little chance going blue in front of the boss. I was expecting things to get a bit 'industrial' but without Tequila slammers nothing even vaguely sinister materialised.

Don’t leave too soon.
I'm getting old so two hours is generally my limit on any social event which doesn't have a defined finishing time such as a film, theatre, watching sport etc. I managed to stay from 8 - 12.30pm which isn't bad

Above all, enjoy the party.
Have a good time without embarrassing yourself or anyone else. Now doesn't that sound like fun!

Oops I did it again!

I see on quite a few of the cycling forums a few people are finding it hard to motivate themselves to ride in this cold weather. I'm usually quite dismissive of people that suffer from this plight but I'm fast becoming a sympathiser. Take this morning for instance. The title of today's blog entry should read Arsenal-High Wycombe-Arsenal. A small matter of negotiating 72 miles and some change, mostly along the A40 in coldish but fair conditions.

Ordinarily it wouldn't be a problem but I couldn't be arsed. I couldn't be arsed probably because I didn't bother to ride yesterday. And I didn't ride yesterday because I didn't ride on Monday... OK you can see where this is going. Anyways I still did the journey. It was work so I had to. Instead though I did it in the comfy warmth of a Japanese Automobile. I felt kinda disloyal as I drove by a couple of cyclists huffing their way up Highgate Hill but a hot Mocha and a croissaint are the perfect anodyne for those pangs of guilt... All may not be lost however because I bravely rode the total of a mile to a friends house n' back tonight. The offer of a home cooked Indian meal was a bit too tempting. Come on now, I'm loosing fitness not my mind ;-)

Sunday Night/Monday Night

By Sunday morning I was almost back to my old self. Cycling-wise the day consisted of a couple of short commutes: in the morning work, Arsenal-Tottenham-Arsenal; in the evening Stephanie's house, Arsenal-Deptford-Arsenal. Total distance was probably 26 miles at a fairly comfortable pace. Thats not strictly true. Stephanie spiced things up in the last ten minutes of the commute to Sarf London by riding hard around some of Lewisham's back streets. I've told her with such good cornering skills once she's fit enough she's gonna love Crystal Palace.

Dudes I've got a confession to make. I head off for a three week holiday next Thursday so my motivation to ride is beginning to wane. Hence I stood Kylie (Turbo Trainer) up. I bet she looked resplendent lying there on the kitchen floor, glowing in that way only inanimate spinning objects can. Sadly she lost out to beer and Thai food.

Something for the weekend Sir!

er...Yes! Well how about a nice 24 hour bug thing with lovely servings of fever like symptoms, chills, body aches, diarrhea and vomiting? It wasn't very nice. Now how was Saturday for you?

Brrrr!!!!!

Shit today was cold! Despite layering up Michelin Man style there was still that one part of my body that I couldn't keep warm. My Toes. Yes, after just ten minutes riding time despite my thermal sports socks and booties me tootsies were frozen. Nevertheless the training agenda called for 120 minutes so that's what had to be done. I was pegged in at 53/19 and 90rpm, close to 20 mph average. Pushing things harder than that while gulping down icy air would only lead to a visit from my December nemesis. It often pops up a week or so after a cold and its a real bitch to shift; it waits patiently for those inevitable above threshold efforts and then often without warning starts its attack... Voila! By the end of the session you now have a permanent 'friend' to a accompany you on all your rides for the next two months - The Winter Cough. Enjoy!!!:-(

Its time to reminisce - put on your kangol hat and fat laced trainers..."Right Up To Ya Face And Diss You" :-)

It ain't over till its over

3 x 20 mins on the turbo (Kylie) requires a little bit of specialist attention. Its a slightly different beast from a nailed on 2 x 20. If you hit it too hard on the first interval you'll be floundering by the second and the 3rd twenty minute interval will be spent recovering on the sofa for the rest of the night.

In contrast if you go to easy you might as well be reading the paper and sipping a glass of wine. It should feel hard and the last twenty should just be manageable. I think I pitched it just right. The 'feelometer' register around 90% of my maximum effort. The turbo naturally warms up after 30 mins so things always feel a touch easier. To counter this I changed up the gears 53/17-53/15 to make sure I that I was still pushing hard on the pedals. It felt pretty good in the end so I reckon I'll try another one on Thursday or Friday.

Here's some footage from the first Road Stage (proper) of the 2007 TDF. Ladies and Gentlemen Robbie Mac (see 5 mins) is one bad muthafucker. Oh and look out for some little British Kid in Pink throwing a fit. Who would've guessed he'd win four stages in this years tour(08).